There are plenty of things I'm afraid of.
I don't do mice, even though my outside cat insists that I step over a dead one on my doorstep on a weekly basis.
I don't do fireworks. My sister burned me with a sparkler when I was a kid, and I've never quite gotten over the fear of being set on fire.
And I don't do heights. In fact, my running friend this weekend was telling me a story about running on an 18" strip of road that was flanked by a deep ravine. She said if she took one step over the wrong way she would have bit it. I almost had a panic attack just listening to her tell the story. I DON'T DO RAVINES.
There's something else I've been afraid of as I embarked on this fitness journey. I wasn't afraid to try to run. I wasn't afraid to announce that I was planning to do a half marathon. But I have been terrified of P90x. I've had the DVDs for over a month, and couldn't bring myself to open them.
It's just an overwhelming program, one I feared I wasn't ready for. But since I started running, I stopped going to my extreme kickboxing classes, and as a result I'm mushier than I was. I wanted something to supplement my running. Emily suggested I break open my DVDs and use some of them to build some muscle. I tried to come up with a good excuse to not do them. But there just isn't one.
So last night I opened the box with the intention of doing one of the DVDs today after church. I feared it would be overwhelming, and omigod it was! I lifted the lid and a book the size of the Holy Bible itself fell out into my lap. I almost threw in the towel right then and there.
And then the sermon at church today was about removing fear from our lives. So I went to walmart, got some resistance bands, and came home to do the shoulders and arms DVD followed by Ab Ripper X. (Ouch!)
And here's the thing. The concept of P90x is more than I'm ready to commit to. I know I won't do one every single day, but there's absolutely no reason I can't supplement my running schedule with some strength training. And while the concept is A LOT, the workouts are manageable. Yes they are hard, and yes my abs feel sort of like they are bleeding into my feet, but I also feel accomplished. If I am squishy, I can make a choice not to be. If I'm hesitant, I can decide to JUST START SOMETHING. If I'm fearful, I can overcome it, whatever IT might be.
I've decided that when it comes to fitness, I'm adopting a no fear policy. Nothing is off the table. If I can think it in my mind, I can choose it for my body.
And also, I sort of want this tattoo.
About 6 weeks ago I went for my first run. On my next 4 mile run, I will have logged 100 miles on my fitness journey. On that first run, I feared I would never make it.
Now my only fear is that my playlist will stop before I do.
"Too many of us are not living our dreams, because we are living our fears."