Revenge of the Toxins

Y'all, I have flat out poisoned my body today. And also some yesterday.

And I was doing so good!

Yesterday, I ran 7 miles with my friend. I probably burned like 700 calories during that run. Because I'm AWESOME.

And then I just took a big proverbial crap on all that hard work.

I came home, had a Shakeology shake, and then chased it with 12 whole inches of subway sandwich. Then later, I went to a welcome home party for my "not my niece" where I ate three cupcakes. They were miniature, but still. I could actually feel the sugar surging through my body. It was like I had finally rehabbed my cells from the evil clutches of the powdery white stuff, and then I sent them right back into the crack house.

THEN, I went on a sushi date with the Champ, followed by a piece of cheesecake and some kind of Oreo cake thing that tasted like what Heaven would taste like if it was fudgey and covered in crushed up Oreos. Then there was wine. Times 2.

And that was just YESTERDAY.

TODAY WAS WORSE.

I started the day with my shake. But then a bunch of us went to eat Mexican after church, and the wagon flat ran me over with chips and salsa and fajita taco salad. Then, to top it all off, a girlfriend came over and we ate pizza.

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME?!?!

Here's what I know:

Eating CRAP makes me FEEL like CRAP.

Eating HEALTHY makes me FEEL HEALTHY.

I love myself when I eat good stuff.

I loathe myself when I don't.

So why is it so stinkin hard to leave the cupcakes alone, skip the cheesecake, have a salad, or say no to social eating? Because none of it, NONE OF IT, was worth feeling this way.

You would think simply staying on the wagon would be easier than hauling your mangled, chubby butt back onto it again, yet here I am going to bed with the resolve that tomorrow I will be good to myself.

Tomorrow there will be water. And vegetables. And things with vitamins and omega 3 fatty acids in them. And running. Oh Lord, help me, there will be running. (And there needs to be more blogging. Accountability!)

It took me two days to poison myself with sugar and carbs. It will likely take me 4 to detox again. The wine and cheesecake were so not worth it.

I'm reminding myself that I AM.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.' " Mary Anne Radmacher