The Main Squeeze: Obsess-a-holic

I have a problem with moderation.

My problem is that it doesn't work.

I was fearful for a minute that it might just be me, but then I got out my googling fingers and realized that 2 out of every 3 adults in America are either overweight or obese, and over 20 million Americans are currently in treatment for an addiction. It seems to be a universal problem.

This struggle is nearly unstoppable in me. There is a predictable pattern of obsessive behavior in me that you can almost set your watch by. I can't do anything "just a little bit." I can't just "try new things." I have to go ALL THE WAY. And then I quit.

There is depressing evidence of this sickness in every corner of my house. I have untouched crochet hooks and skeins of yarn in a bag in the closet. I have soap making supplies above the fridge. I have the remnants of homemade laundry detergent in a tupperware container in my utility room. I have gallon upon gallon of oddly colored paint in the shed. I have a sewing machine in my closet. I have a juicer plugged in on my counter top, a food processor tucked away in the cabinet, and a brand new yogurt maker hidden in with the pots and pans. I rarely, sometimes never use any of them.

It's why I have done the Master Cleanse, the South Beach Diet, the Dr. Oz YOU diet, the veggie soup diet, and a prolonged juice fast.

And sadly, it's why I was all about clean eating when that juice fast was over but have had to "start over" at least 10 times since.

I realized something while I was running today, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. Food and fitness are different from trying new little craft projects and hobbies. I can start quilting and then quit. I can try to sew and decide it's not for me. I can hop on the DIY bandwagon and then hop right off when I decide it's easier to just go to Kroger and buy some freakin' yogurt and laundry detergent.

And all of those things, even if I stick with them, have a definitive end point.

Food and fitness doesn't end. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle. It's not losing pounds, it's being healthy. This isn't something to treat as an obsession, because it's never going to be "finished." Once I lose the weight I have to maintain it. There will always be another level to get to.

This realization made me understand that I have to continuously challenge myself. I can't quit, because this isn't about finishing something. It's about living my best life. Some days I don't want to go get gas, but I do it anyway because it makes my life better to not get stuck on the side of the road. I have to get my mind committed to food and fitness the way it's committed to going to the store, fueling my car, working, loving, and breathing in and out.