Ha.
Other than that, there's really no change. I'm staying the course, and the course is staying the same. For another 25 days. Almost 24. Not that I'm counting.
I keep trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be learning from all of this. Obviously, there have been some physical and mental revelations. But I really expected more spiritual upheaval, and it has yet to happen. In fact, God has been largely silent since the day He told me to fast and raise money. I've been listening, and I've been praying. But I've heard nothing. That's frustrating, even slightly annoying. (However, writing it makes me nervous, because I fear God will think I'm taunting him. I'm so not.)
That's not to say that I haven't learned plenty. Here's what I know now that I didn't know 15 days ago:
*Some people are extremely encouraging. Others will call you crazy. Some will place a cuss word in front of "crazy" so as to let you know they think you are a complete whack job.
*When people say they are "starving" they are not. They. Just. Aren't.
*It is a waste of time and money to try and juice raspberries, mango, or blueberries.
*I will never buy pre-cut pineapple again. I have spent my entire life thinking that pineapples were packaged in an extremely inconvenient and complicated casing. They are not. They cut easily, and smell delicious!
*Watermelon juice tastes like summer and makes me happy.
*I no longer have any desire to eat anything made with refined flour, sugar, or corn syrup. And regardless of how my child whines, I will not feed him these things if I can keep from it.
*I have spent my life using food as a surrogate for other things...comfort, friendship, distraction, celebration, socialization, stimulation. It makes me sad to think of how much I have missed out on because of this little fact.
*I am meant to finish things I start. I have attempted so many different things, and only finished a small handful. I believe this fast was God's way of pointing out to me that it's time I manage my endeavors in such a way that I complete them every time.
*Food is meant to be fuel, and fuel is meant to give me energy, and energy is meant for me to accomplish God's purpose for me. Therefore, a lifestyle of eating crap cannot be synonymous with living out God's purpose in my life.
(Whoa.)
Ok, so maybe God hasn't been as silent as I thought. I guess, for me, the physical shifts taking place as a result of this process might have been what God needed me to get. I'm sure there's more. But I feel like that was the one area of my life I have never acknowledged with much importance. I've never worked out faithfully. I've never eaten completely healthy. I've never had balance in that area.
I have examined the extremes of my emotions and my spirituality. I have pushed myself mentally. And in those areas, I have found my footing, a place where I can both rest and reinvent. I have found the place where I am supposed to be for this moment, so that I might end up where I am supposed to be in the next. But I had never found that balance in my physical life.
I guess sometimes you really are supposed to be still.
Maybe it's because He whispers.
I felt the same way about finishing something when I set the goal to run the Half Marathon. It seemed crazy to me (and to others) especially when I ended up with some pain in my hip and knee. I think seeing something that you start to the finish and persevering against opposition (whether it be physical, spiritual or emotional or whatever) is very much crucial in learning to truly experience the truth of the Gospel (and Jesus' own triumph over even death!) and the meaning of Philippians 1:6 - He who began a good work in you is faithful and will carry it through to completion. I'm excited to hear how God uses this in your life! And praying that He will sustain you through the next 25 days.
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