I just wanted to write about how THANKFUL I am. I have felt something today that can only be described as joy. There weren't really any circumstances that induced this joy. In fact, there were a couple of reasons to not feel joyful at all. The Champ has a terrible back, and, at times, it flares up. Today was one of those days, and I just don't like to see him in pain. And I spent a large portion of the day cooking food/serving food at church because one of our families experienced a tragic loss this week. It is heartbreaking to see other people in inexplicable emotional turmoil.
But all day I felt tremendous joy in my spirit. I was having one of those days where you look around and ask, "Jesus, how did I get here?" My life hasn't always been rosy. For a few years there, it was hard...even broken. There was a lot of loneliness. There was a ton of hard work. And for a larger handful of months than I care to admit, there was fear.
But somehow, God lifted me out of all of that crap. I wake up every day to two of the most amazing boys any woman could ever dream of. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am loved and valued. I know that my husband has my back, and I know that my son is content and treasured regardless of where he lays down to sleep each night. (Although he would be slightly more content at my house if only I had a Nintendo DS.)
I have really good friends. I don't have a lot of them. I always thought there was something kind of wrong with me for not having a "group." I sort of felt left out. But I'm starting to realize that I'm more of an introvert than I ever imagined I would be, and I'm kind of a one on one friend. I love having REAL conversations with REAL women. And God has given me a small handful of REAL women that I can do that with. I love them. I miss them when I don't see them often enough. And my life is made so much better because they are in it.
I LOVE MY CHURCH. I haven't wanted to be in church for years, and then when the urge came back, I didn't want to be in any of the churches I visited. I didn't feel like any of them were genuine or that they were really living out the kind of Christianity that Christ intended. My church does. We became regular attenders a couple of months ago and are both quickly finding our roles. I feel so at home, and I am so thankful. It is a church full of broken people with bruised hearts, shattered egos, and really intriguing stories. And everyone is so okay with that.
Life is not perfect. There are ups and downs in all of my days, and fasting brings those ups and downs to the forefront for me. But God is restoring me. Mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. He is bringing me to a place of purpose, and so I feel joy.
I have no idea how I got here. It seems like one minute my entire life was broken, and the next He had glued it all back together. I didn't even see it coming. But there are times in my daily life where I randomly look up from whatever I'm doing and in complete awe and wonder just say Thank You.
I had nothing to do with any of it, but I can't imagine it getting any better.
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