I spend a lot of time talking to my clients (I'm a therapist) about the various aspects of their "self". Often, I get them to rate each individual part of themselves, the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. I believe that health and healing are vital in all 4 different aspects in order to have complete peace and balance in life.
These 4 aspects of my "self" are, without question, being stretched during this fasting process. In this blog I have broken down my experiences for each of them.
The Mental: I have experienced a wide range of mental shift so far. I've felt both extreme clarity and intense fog. But overall, I believe my mental energy is greater than it usually is. I'm more alert, and the thoughts running through my mind don't seem to get bogged down in the muck of a sluggish head. The mental hunger is getting much better. I was even able to go back on Pinterest last night and begin researching recipes I want to try when this is all over. A few days ago, looking at all of those pictures would have killed me.
The Physical: Here's the part where my brother in law gets frustrated with me for talking about poop. My digestion is experiencing dramatic changes, and the proof is in the poop! In the past 8 days I have gone from regular bowel activity, to none at all, to extreme gassiness, and today, we've arrived at Diarrheaville! (Sorry, Alex). I realize this is GROSS, but I also realize there are some people reading about my fast who are considering it for themselves. You should know in advance that weird things will happen in a faster's toilet! Beyond digestion, I feel pretty good. I think I have a touch of a cold, because I have a sore throat and some congestion. Those sound less like detox symptoms and more like "It's winter" symptoms. It's nothing a little advil can't fix.My energy level is fantastic, and I've lost 5 pounds so far. Today I even wore a pair of pants to church that I couldn't even button last week!
The Emotional: If you read yesterday's blog then you know this has been a roller coaster. I feel MUCH better today. I'm even downright chipper. I know there will be more emotional battles during this process, because I'm an emotional person, and that's usually the first place where stress shows up in my life. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I have never been able to really hide what I'm feeling. Yesterday was just HARD. But today, I feel back to my usual self, content, loving, and positive. I'm in a great place to start week 2.
The Spiritual: Oh good grief, I don't even know where to start! I've spent a lot of my life the past few years bouncing back and forth between anger and ambivalence. I looked at God as a bystander in my life, and had little interest in Him being much of anything else. I didn't want to be plugged in. I didn't crave connection. I was just sort of ill with Him, and was happy to place Him on an indefinite hold. But He's softened my heart to the point that my desire is to be back in RELATIONSHIP. I'm sparked. I'm excited. I'm craving connection, like I craved food.
I realized on the way to church this morning, that yesterday had plenty of my emotional self, but none of my spiritual self. I pulled an "old Sara" and shut the door on God, because I was just too cranky to deal with him. I don't know why I do this. The therapist in me can come up with lots of possible connections, but I don't ultimately know which one it really is. I just know I do it. When there is stress or disturbance, I throw my hand up in God's face and say, "I can handle this. Stay back." And it never fails that I CAN'T handle it, and I don't really WANT Him to stay back. I'm realizing the overarching need in my life for all 4 aspects of my "self" to be intertwined, for GOD to knit them together so that I function in true balance, neither overeating nor dieting, neither over-analyzing nor being flippant, neither reacting nor numbing out, and becoming neither a judgmental zealot nor a lackluster disciple.
I'm learning, day by day, that balance isn't achieved by a tightly held grip, but rather the ability to loosen up and let go.
"Play with life, laugh with life, dance lightly with life, and smile at the riddles of life knowing that life's only true lessons are writ small in the margin."
Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No comments:
Post a Comment