Day 6: The Hunger Zone

I want food. I don't just want to eat it. I want to bathe in it. Roll in it. Wear it as a jacket. I want to be so in the middle of food that people will think food is eating me.

It's not even that I'm hungry. I can curb the hunger with juice! I can keep my energy up with juice. I can go about my day and accomplish my daily tasks by the power of freshly squeezed pears...and tomatoes....and celery....and spinach...and....the list goes on. I can get by.

But I MISS FOOD! It really shows me how much of a mental dependence I have on eating. I rely on it for socialization, for comfort, for distraction, for focus. I use it as a weapon to fend off anything unexpected, uncomfortable, unappealing. I use food for so many things, and I bet less than 10% of them have anything at all to do with actual physical hunger.

I'm learning what the hunger zone feels like- the small rumble of your belly as your gut rolls over on itself, the hollowness in your core, the feeling of nothing hitting nothing. It's a feeling with which I have recently become quietly intimate.

I still don't feel great. Detoxing. Since yesterday, I have felt feverish and achy. It's easier when my day is busy and I'm loaded with ibuprofen. But it's been harder the last two days to table my crankiness, and I find myself wielding a sharp tongue. However, I'm still able to keep my eye on the goal. I can't see me quitting...only counting down the days.

Only 34 more. Pass the Advil.