Day 17: THIS Moment

Ha. Today I was writing a client note, and on the line marked "date" I started to write "day 17." I think it's safe to say I'm completely entrenched in fasting. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing.

I have a tendency to get too wrapped up in moments that are of some time other than this one. When it comes to focusing on the past, just call me the Queen of Rehashville. And I'm a champ at worrying about things that I think might happen, but are, in all honesty, very unlikely to happen at any given point in time. I dream up worst case scenarios. I replay old hurts. I feel dumb for things I said...or didn't say. I generally can find myself at any given moment, living in a completely different one.

And I know it's not just me, because on a daily basis I have conversations with clients who do the same thing. There's a therapeutic technique called "mindfulness" that is a good little skill to possess. It consists of doing something that firmly plants you in this moment. Everyone does it differently, but it can be something simple like examining the fine lines in your hand, listening hard for sounds in the room that may have previously gone unnoticed, or focusing on feeling how the material of the couch hugs your skin. It is a process that uses your senses to pull you into the here and now.

I'm a teacher of mindfulness, as it works well for moments of anxiety and panic, but I'm also a student, because as I previously stated, I'm terrible at being in the right now. (I have to practice A LOT.)

But y'all, fasting will flat pull you right down into the belly of right now. It forces you to focus on just this one day, just this one hour, just this one minute, because if you focus on too much more than that it feels unmanageable. Like you have a really long freakin' way to go! Like you might never eat again.

But when I sit down into the now of it all, I realize how okay I am. I'm not hungry. I'm not hurting. I'm not cranky. I'm not suffering. I'm just here, being firmly planted in the now and keenly mindful of the moment. It's almost freeing, as if the 23 days left have no power over me. I don't think I've ever been here before.

I expected fasting to reach its arms down into the recesses of my body, but I am continuously shocked at the way it has also thrown back the curtain on my mind.

In this moment, I am blessed.